


grief is not as heavy as guilt (but it takes more away from you)

by kayteedancer



Series: November Challenge 2020 [7]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Friend Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Don’t copy to another site, Emotionally Hurt Stiles Stilinski, Gen, Hurt Stiles Stilinski, I Screwed the Timelines a Bit, Mostly Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, Post-Nogitsune, Stiles Stilinski-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27447739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayteedancer/pseuds/kayteedancer
Summary: “Please pick up, Scotty,” Stiles panted, fingers clenching around his phone. “Please, Scotty,please.” He needed to make sure Scott was still alive, was stillbreathing, that he didn’tdielike the Nogitsune always threatened.“Hey, this is Scott!” Scott’s tinny voicemail message rang out. “Sorry I missed you! Please-“Stiles slammed the end call button and pressed the phone to his forehead as his breathing ticked faster and faster. Tears spilled from the corners of his eyes as Stiles pressed redial.Without even a dial tone, Scott’s voicemail massage started up again with an overly cheery, “Hey, this is Scott!” Stiles felt a whine escape from the back of his throat as he ended the call, his phone slipping from numb fingers to land in his lap.
Relationships: Scott McCall & Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski & Stiles Stilinski
Series: November Challenge 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996558
Comments: 4
Kudos: 99





	grief is not as heavy as guilt (but it takes more away from you)

**Author's Note:**

> Day 7 is here! And I’m returning to one of my favorite fandoms to write for: Teen Wolf. 
> 
> I absolutely adored the Nogitsune storyline (and Stiles if you can’t tell), but I wanted to see so much more of the aftermath. I wanted to see them all rebuild their lives without Allison, to deal with their grief and guilt. And when it didn’t happen in the show, I started writing it instead. So, here’s a look at what could have happened with Stiles and Scott post-Nogitsune.
> 
> Today's installment is inspired by a Dialogue Prompt from @writing-challenges-and-prompts on tumblr. The words may have changed a bit, but I definitely think I stayed true to the spirit of the prompt :)
> 
> Please let me know what you think, and come say hi on my tumblr (@sleepeatdancedream)! I would love to talk about fandom, writing, or life in general. Or if that's not your speed, feel free to leave a prompt or twelve of your own!
> 
> Be aware, Stiles does experience a panic/anxiety attack here. Take care of yourself if you choose to read this, and do what’s right for your health. ❤️❤️
> 
> Without further ado, here’s Day 7! Title is a quote by Veronica Roth

_ Divine move. You think you have any moves left at all? _

Stiles was dreaming. He had to be dreaming; the Nogitsune was  _ gone,  _ was  _ buried. _ He just needed to wake up. Wake Up!

_ You can kill the Oni, but me? Me? _

C’mon, Stiles, it isn’t real. It’s not here. Just wake up. WAKE UP!

_ I’m a thousand years old, you CAN’T KILL ME! _

Stiles’ eyes flew open as he lurched to the side, dry heaving over the side of his bed. Shivers wracked his body as he tried in vain to get a hold of himself, tried to shake the memory of the Nogitsune.

Eventually the shaking stopped, but then the tears started. Stiles’ heart was hammering away in his chest, breath hitching and coming fast and faster. Trying valiantly to stave off a panic attack, Stiles fumbled for his phone, calling Scott blindly as he felt his throat tighten.

The dial tone cut through the quiet and Stiles looked around, eyes flickering from object to object without resting on anything.

“Please pick up, Scotty,” Stiles panted, fingers clenching around his phone. “Please, Scotty,  _ please.” _ He needed to make sure Scott was still alive, was still  _ breathing _ , that he didn’t  _ die _ like the Nogitsune always threatened.

“Hey, this is Scott!” Scott’s tinny voicemail message rang out. “Sorry I missed you! Please-“

Stiles slammed the end call button and pressed the phone to his forehead as his breathing ticked faster and faster. Tears spilled from the corners of his eyes as Stiles pressed redial.

Without even a dial tone this time, Scott’s voicemail massage started up again with an overly cheery, “Hey, this is Scott!” Stiles felt a whine escape from the back of his throat as he ended the call, his phone slipping from numb fingers to land in his lap.

Stiles’ breath rasped in and out and he thread his fingers through his hair, trying to ground himself and keep the panic from overwhelming him.

Things had been...tense...between Stiles and the rest of the Pack since the Nogitsune. Especially with Scott.

His once best friend, his brother, one of the people Stiles loved and trusted most in this world, was pulling away from him. Had been pulling away from Stiles since the Nogitsune had killed Allison and Derek had left and Lydia had stepped away from the Pack…

On good days, Stiles knew that what the Nogitsune did wasn’t his fault. On good days, Scott would meet his eyes without flinching and a text from Derek of whatever exotic locale he was visiting with Cora wouldn’t feel like a knife in the gut.

But on bad days...on days like today when Stiles could feel the Nogitsune’s breath hot on the back of his neck and the wet warmth of blood that wasn’t his staining his hands…

Stiles felt the distance most keenly on days like this.

Tears slid unchecked down his cheeks as sobs stated choking him, and Stiles saw grey creep into the edges of his vision.

“Stiles?” his dad called from outside the door, voice rough with sleep. “Stiles, you alright, bud?”

Tears dropped faster and faster from his eyes as Stiles buried his face in his knees, breath coming faster as his sobs grew louder.

The Sheriff threw the door open and scrambled over to his son, kneeling just in front of him. “Hey, Stiles, are you okay with being touched?” the Sheriff asked lowly, fingers flexing by his sides. At Stiles shaky nod, he climbed up next to the Stiles and wrapped his arms around him as his son sobbed.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright, Stiles,” the Sheriff murmured, rubbing his son’s back soothingly. “Stiles, you’re going to be alright. We just need to get your breathing back to normal. So, can you do something for me? Can you name four things you see?”

Fingers trembling, Stiles picked his head up just a bit to look around him. “Desk chair,” Stiles stuttered, and his dad nodded encouragingly.

“That’s great, Stiles. What else?” the Sheriff soothed, and Stiles scrubbed the tears from his eyes.

“Comforter. It’s navy. Window’s closed. Laundry in the corner,” Stiles clenched his teeth as his breathing started to even out.

“Awesome, Stiles, good job,” his dad praised, and a shaky smile trembled on Stiles’ lips. “How about three things you can touch?”

“My sweats,” Stiles replied quietly. “Your shirt. Uh, my shirt?”

“Great. How’re you feeling now, bud?” the Sheriff asked.

Stiles uncurled himself tentatively and rubbed the tear tracks on his cheeks.

“Better,” he murmured. “Sorry for waking you up, Dad.”

“Hey,” the Sheriff chided. “None of that, now. I’m your dad, Stiles. It’s literally my job to take care of you. Now, do you want to talk about it?”

Stiles shook his head but then stopped abruptly, gripping his sweats in a white-knuckled grip.

“I just…It was...” Stiles sighed heavily. “Everyone was...leaving me, or already gone, and when I tried...tried to get them to stop, tried to get them to stay, and Scott just…” Stiles lied through his teeth, trailing off as a single, traitorous tear made its way down his cheek.

“Stiles,” his dad sighed. “Scott wouldn’t just leave you. He loves you. You’re his brother.”

“I was his brother, Dad,” Stiles turned to the Sheriff, eyes wild with fear. “I was, but after Allison... and Derek leaving, he’s just been pulling away from me... He can’t even  _ look  _ at me most days and I… I’m losing him. I’ve already lost him.”

The Sheriff sat quietly, rubbing his son’s back soothingly. “I’m sure you haven’t lost him, Stiles. He’s probably just...working through everything. Allison’s death was a tragic accident, and I’m sure it’s been really difficult for Scott to work through. So if he’s pulling away from you, it’s not that he loves you any less. He just...needs to figure out how to function normally again, without his first love.”

The hissing voice of the Nogitsune and the memories of every time Scott’s eyes failed to meet his made Stiles flinch and draw his knees up to his chest again.

“I don’t know, Dad,” Stiles stated sadly, the weight of all the Pack’s secrets pressing on his shoulders and hanging awkwardly between them. “I don’t think he wants to...be my friend anymore, let alone my brother.”

“Let yourself have some hope, Stiles,” his dad answered, leaning his head on top of Stiles tiredly. “I’m sure it’ll work out if you just hold on to hope.”

Stiles sat there in silence for a while, listening to his dad’s breathing deepen as he fell asleep wrapped around Stiles. Eventually, Stiles uncurled himself, easing his dad into a reclined position against his headboard. Looking back at him, Stiles sighed sadly. “I have hope, Dad,” he whispered. “I’m just not blinded by it.”

Stiles checked his phone to see no new notifications from Scott, and felt the weight in his chest grow heavier.

“I’m not blind at all.”


End file.
